


All I Know

by writingfanfictionwithbass



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician)
Genre: F/M, everything has changed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingfanfictionwithbass/pseuds/writingfanfictionwithbass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I’m 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I’m famous. I’m not trying to boast or anything, I’m just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at the supermarket, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I’d successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don’t know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they’re alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I’m meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn’t know that we’ve met before, and I hope to keep it that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everything Has Changed

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my fanfiction based off Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran's song, Everything Has Changed xx

Here's the first chapter of my new fic! Tell me what you think. And don’t be scared to ask for pictures of the clothes, hair, etc to help imagine it better. Also, I'm leaving tomorrow on a 9 1/2 hour plane ride, so I most likely will get loads of writing done! I hope you like it :)  
Word Count: 2,500+ | Masterlist  
My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I'm 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I'm famous. I'm not trying to boast or anything, I'm just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at Tesco, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I'd successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don't know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they're alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I'm meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn't know that we've met before, and I hope to keep it that way.  
I've never understood how some people could hop right out of bed in the mornings. I myself, can't, and probably never will be able to do that. Most mornings, I'll lay in bed, thinking about what happened the previous day. I know most people do that at night, think of the events of the day. But I always do it in the morning, I don't like to spend my nights over thinking. This morning, as I lay in bed, I thought of what happened yesterday. Meeting Ed, again. We talked for hours, just getting to know each other. I didn't tell him anything about my childhood, I don't tell anyone about that. Actually, he already knows my story, he's the only one who does. Except, he doesn't know it's me. He hasn't made the connection with the story of a homeless and abused 15 year old girl to an 18 year old pop star. I didn't expect him to, though, most people wouldn't be able to. The amount I've changed in those 3 years is crazy, I'm a completely different person now. I've been able to bury my past for the last 3 years, but meeting Ed again has brought it bubbling back up to the surface.  
I could have laid there thinking all day, but a voice at the door broke off my train of thought.  
“Leigh, it’s time to wake up.” Carl called through the door, tapping his knuckles against it when I didn’t respond. “Leigh-Anne. Get up, we have a meeting soon.”  
I opened my eyes and stretched my arms above my head, hands brushing the headboard of the hotel bed. I looked over at the clock to see that it was 8:00AM. Sliding out from underneath the heavy duvet, I padded with bare feet across the bedroom to open the door.  
“Good morning, Carl.” I greeted, smiling up at him.  
“Good morning, Leigh.” he replied, “We have a meeting with management in half an hour. Can you meet me in front of the lift in 20 minutes?”  
“Sure. See you then.” I answered, cheerfully waving goodbye as he walked away. Shutting the door and turning around, I walked past the bed over to my suitcases spread out on the floor beside the tall windows. I picked out a simple outfit; a pastel pink collared tank top tucked into denim shorts along with my favourite shoes, the tan oxfords with the two inch heels. Closing the suitcase, I quickly tugged on the clothes, tossing my pajamas onto the bed. I walked over to the other side of the room to the full length mirror beside the bathroom door. After turning myself slightly to either side, I pushed open the bathroom door.  
My stuff had already been scattered throughout the bathroom after having been there for a couple days. Digging through the tangled mess of cords to retrieve my curling iron, I plucked it off the countertop. I plugged it in, clicking the ‘on’ button. Waiting for it to heat up, I grabbed my eyeliner from the open makeup trunk beside the sink. I swept the pencil around my eye, framing my green irises with black. I dropped it back into the trunk, the loud clack of the makeup echoing through the bathroom. Reaching in again, I pulled out my mascara and eyelash curler. Hastily curling my top lashes, I twisted open the mascara tube. In a couple strokes, I coated my eyelashes in black, lengthening them. My curling iron let out several short beep’s, signaling that it had finished heating up. Wrapping my fingers around its handle, I pushed the lever to open it. I started twirling locks of my dark brown hair around the wand, and when I let go of the lever, the now curly strands landed softly on my chest, bouncing slightly. Unplugging the curler, I checked the time.   
8:18AM  
I briskly brushed my teeth, leaving the toothpaste cap off in my haste. I then left the bathroom, dipping into the bedroom to grab my room key and phone, shoving them into my pockets. I reached the door seconds later and stepped outside, pulling it shut behind me.  
“There you are” called Carl, smiling at me from down the hall. “Let’s go get some breakfast, yeah? We can eat it during the meeting.”  
“Yeah, okay”   
The lift beeped and the doors slid open, revealing an empty elevator. We stepped inside, letting the door slide shut behind us.  
“What’s the meeting for anyways?” I asked Carl.  
“Just some new rules and such that they want to clarify.”  
I quickly ran through recent events, seeing if I had broken any major rules. Coming up with nothing, I sighed inwardly, mentally preparing myself for yet another boring meeting. The lift reached the lobby of the hotel and the doors opened silently. Carl guided me to the breakfast buffet and we gathered our food as quickly as possible, only getting stopped for a few pictures and autographs. We were only there for a minute, then Carl whisked me off to the conference room.  
The first thing I noticed about the room was the windows on the far side of the room. They were tall. Like 20 feet tall, floor to ceiling, showing an breathtaking view of Seattle. In that 20 feet of space, you could see the everything; the small green patches of parks, the space needle and an amazing view of the city skyline. Most people don't think Seattle is a very pretty city, but through that window, anything would look beautiful. The second thing I noticed was Ed. He locked eyes with me from across the room, motioning the empty seats beside him and Stuart. Him and everyone else were seated around a wooden conference table. Like the windows, it was gigantic, fitting about 50 people, many of them having breakfast plates in front of them. I only recognized a quarter of the faces, but they’re all part of management. They all have a say in what I can do, or say. Basically, they control my life, and this meeting is to give me those instructions.  
“Let’s sit with Ed and Stu.” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. I walked over to the seats with Carl trailing behind. Ed was sitting closest to the window, with only a couple seats separating him and the glass. I set my plate in front of the chair beside him, settling on the plastic seat. I trailed my eyes down Ed’s body, taking in his usual outfit. Hoody, jeans, sneakers and messy ginger hair.   
“Hey, Leigh-Anne” he said.   
“Hi, Ed.” I greeted cheerfully. Behind him, I saw Stuart talking business with some member of management, deep in conversation. They broke off as the meeting started. The man at the front of the room started speaking, introducing himself and whatnot. I’d seen him before but I didn’t care enough to remember his name any of those times. He continued, talking about rules, fans and my still-growing popularity in the industry. The meetings were always the same. I pulled out my phone to text Carl, asking him what time the meeting ended. His name flashed onto my lock screen, showing his reply.  
10 o’clock, so 1.5 hours left.  
I groaned under my breath, knowing the 1 and a half hours would drag by, as always. This time, I heard a second sigh to my right and I looked to see Ed looking down at my phone, obviously displeased with the length of the meeting as well. I caught his eye, gesturing shooting myself in the head. He chuckled, rolling his eyes sarcastically. I slid my thumb across my phone to unlock it, opening up temple run. I was just about to start when Ed’s name popped up on the screen.  
Whats ur highscore?  
12 mil  
Ha, i win. 14 mil  
Dammit. ill beat u by the end of the meeting sheeran  
i doubt it miller  
we’ll see about that  
Glancing back over at Ed’s screen I saw that he’d opened temple run, and had already started playing. I tapped the temple run icon, touching the play button. We played for a good part of the meeting, me reaching a new high score of 13 million, though still not beating Ed's score. We were still playing when Carl's name popped up on my screen, interrupting my game  
Hey stop playing games. They're about to tell us the new rules. You haven't heard them yet, so pay attention.  
I shut off my phone and slid it into my pocket. Nudging Ed, I motioned for him to do the same. He gave me a confused stare, but still dropped his mobile into his pocket as well. Jerking my head towards the man speaking at the front, I mouthed the word "listen". He nodded, turning his body slightly to pay closer attention.  
"So, as you know, we are having this meeting to address Leigh-Anne and Ed Sheeran collaborating. As many of you know, a collaboration will mean writing and producing a song together. Also, there will be performances, interviews and maybe even touring together." the man said, "As they will be making many public appearances together, we need to set some basic rules. We need to make sure your collaboration is shown in the best possible light to the media, fans and general public. Earlier, we had a conference with Ed's management, and put together a basic presentation covering important topics. The first, and most important one is going to be you two's 'Public Relationship'"  
The man scooped up a small remote from the table, clicking a button. The projector flickered to life, showing a slideshow presentation with the title Public Relationship with some bullet points underneath with the words Interviews, Performances, Videos and General Public Appearances. I glanced over at Ed, the confused expression on his face proving that he knew nothing about this as well. I turned back towards the man as he started speaking again.  
"So the approach we want for you two is that fine line between friendship and dating. So basically we want you to be extremely close friends, almost too close to be just friends. You're going to have to hold hands in public, hug often and cuddle in videos, picture and interviews."  
I stared at him in disbelief. Management pretty much controlled my whole life. They told me how to dress, talk, preform and even created my whole personality. The only thing they'd stayed away from is how I think of people. The only freedom I had about myself is my opinions on other people. And now they were taking that away too. I could speak up, yell at them, but that wouldn't help. I'm obliged to let them do those things. That's what I agreed to when I signed that contract. Complete and utter control of my life. It didn't say that outright on the paper, but that's what it meant. Management controls me. There was no point in speaking up so I just stayed quiet. So I just tuned the man out, held all my emotions under the surface and hid behind my Leigh-Anne Miller façade. That's what I usually do anyways.  
The last bit of the meeting was a blur. I couldn't listen to them, not that I wanted to. But hiding your emotions is a full time job if they're as strong as mine were. I don't usually listen during those meeting anyways. Normally, I sit there, looking out the window or something, and the time seems to go by easier than if I was actually paying attention. So before I knew it, Ed and I were being herded out of the room, across the lobby and through the doors of the lift. It was just the four of us in the elevator, and an awkward silence settled upon us. Nobody really wanted to be the one to break it, so we spent the ride in an uncomfortable silence. The elevator let out the familiar beep as it reached our floor, doors sliding open. We walked out onto the carpet and exchanged goodbyes before breaking off to our separate rooms.   
I padded down the hallway, stopping at my door to pull my room key out of my pocket. Sliding it through the card reader, I paused for a moment before shoving the door open. I stepped inside, shutting it behind me. Jumping up onto my unmade bed, I grabbed the remote, flicking on the television. I flipped through the channels, trying to find something good to watch, settling on an episode of Fresh Prince. I was about to settle down in the pillows to watch when I was interrupted by a knock at the door. I pulled open to reveal Ed, standing in the doorway, guitar resting against his back.  
"Hey Ed." I said, smiling cheerfully up at him.  
He responded, grinning back at me, "Hey Leigh-Anne. I was just wondering, maybe we could play some music together? Since we're going to make a song together and all."  
"Sure, I'd love to. And you can call me Leigh." I stepped back from the door, indicating that he should come inside.  
"Okay Leigh" he said, walking inside, crossing the room to the sofa. I followed suit, stopping when I looked up at Ed and saw that he was looking at the TV, a smile ghosting his lips. Following his gaze, I saw that the Fresh Prince theme song was playing on the screen. I chuckled under my breathing, turning to watch Ed mouthing the words. He glanced over, feeling my eyes on him and blushed as he met my eye.  
"So, uh, do you want to start now?" he asked.  
I nodded, climbing up onto the bed to grab the remote, turning off the TV. Reaching over to the other side, I pulled up my guitar that was leaning against the side of the bed. I slid off the edge of the bed and sat on the opposite end of the couch and pulled my legs up under me, slightly to the side so I wasn't completely sitting on them. I sat my guitar on my thighs, resting the calloused pads of my fingers on the familiar strings. I turned my gaze to Ed, about to ask what song, when I realized that he was intently staring at my guitar. I looked down at it, trying to find what was so fixating about it, when I had a sudden realization. The guitar that was currently sitting on my lap was the guitar Ed gave me 3 years ago. It even still had the signature paw print, and if he looked really closely, he could see the faint remains of the guitar's name in his own handwriting. My eyes widened as I realized what I'd done. I'd promised myself, before I'd met Ed, that I wouldn't tell him about our past meeting. I wouldn't tell him that the broken, abused little girl he met at the supermarket 3 years ago was, in fact, me.   
"Where did you get that guitar?" he asked, a puzzled look coming across his face, desperately trying to connect the dots in his mind.  
"Umm, some music store." I lied.  
"Oh okay, it's just that I had the exact same one. And it had that exact same paw print on it." he said, now seeming a bit suspicious.  
"Oh that's cool. A fan drew this on for me, and she obviously was a fan of yours too." I said, laughing, trying to lighten the conversation.  
"Yeah. Maybe it is the same one, I might've sold it or something.." he said, voicing his thoughts, "I don't remember where that one went though. It was either sold, or more likely broken. Though I remember I gave one away once, I don't remember to who. Damn, who was it? Whatever, I'll let you know when I remember."  
I nodded, the tension leaving my body, relieved that he wasn't going to be making that connection anytime soon. But he didn't remember our meeting. I know he met lots of people, but it was such a big moment in my life. He changed my life. I could feel the disappointment pushing away the relief, making itself all I could think about. I knew that I hadn't wanted him to know that it was me, but I at least wanted him to remember the day.   
I couldn't concentrate after that. I'd played the chords and sang the words, but my heart wasn't into it. If Ed noticed, he didn't say anything. What I did pick up, was that our voices fit together perfectly, just as they did that day we met. Everything revolves around that now that Ed is here. Actually, everything has always revolved around Ed. He's the reason that I'm here today, doing what I do. And he doesn't even know.


	2. All In My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I’m 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I’m famous. I’m not trying to boast or anything, I’m just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at the supermarket, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I’d successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don’t know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they’re alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I’m meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn’t know that we’ve met before, and I hope to keep it that way.

Sometimes, I’ll try to be a normal teenaged girl. I’ll obsess over Justin Bieber and One Direction, I’ll get a manicure with my ‘friends’, I’ll read those teen magazines that are filled with fake stories and baseless rumors. But I could never be that “typical teenage girl”. I don’t even know what normal is, thanks to my family. I wish I could just be a giggly, dumb 18 year old, oblivious to how horrible people could be.  
Today, I was feeling okay. Not particularly good, but not bad. I wasn’t exactly holding myself together, but I wasn’t falling apart. I was feeling okay, but the slightest thing could change that. My mind was filled with thoughts, about management, about my sisters, but mostly about Ed. Ed was everywhere today; he was in my guitar leaning against the bed, on my TV, on the billboard outside. And as if to confirm that, my phone vibrated with an incoming call from him.  
“Hey, Ed. What’s up?” I greeted, mustering up as much cheerfulness as I could.  
“Hi, Leigh. I was just wondering, do you want to leave a bit early to the studio and pick up some food? We can eat it there.” Ed asked.  
“Yeah sure, sounds good. When are we leaving then?  
“5 minutes or so? Is that okay with you?”  
“Yup that’s fine, meet you in front of the lift.” I said, ending the call after hearing Ed’s goodbye. I grabbed my sweater from the suitcases on the floor, pulling it on. After gathering my phone I stuffed it into my wallet iPhone case, leaving the hotel room. Reaching the lifts, I leaned against the wall to wait. My phone buzzed with a text from Carl.  
I have some stuff to do before the studio session. I’ll meet you there when it starts. Stay with Ed and Stuart.  
I tapped out a reply Ok. dont worry, i will.  
“Hey girlfriend!” Ed called out in a mock American accent, walking down the hall with Stuart.  
“Wow is that what us Americans sound like to you English folk?” I joked  
“Yep, you’re all stuck up, snotty white girls to me.” said Ed sarcastically, “Where are you from again?”  
“Seattle.” I answered.  
“Oh we’re in your hometown.”   
“Yup, we are.” I said quickly, cutting off the conversation to avoid any questions about my family or childhood. I punched the lift button. The door opened right away, and we all stepped inside letting the doors slide closed behind us. During the short elevator ride, Ed and I pulled faces at Stuart through the mirrors, watching him roll his eyes. The doors opened again, and Stuart quickly ushered us through the lobby, steering clear of fans. Once we got outside, we were suddenly surrounded by flashing cameras, screaming fans, interviewers asking questions. Ed kept a tight hold on my arm pulling me through the sea of people. I let myself get tugged along, keeping my eyes on the blue of his hoody, careful not to lose him.  
We finally broke free of the paparazzi and fans, bursting out into the open and hopping into the awaiting car. We slowly drove away, the mob of people hindering us. We pulled out onto the road, I didn’t know where we were headed, and I didn’t ask. Some radio station I didn’t know was playing faintly in the background. I did a double take when I heard the song.  
“Ed, that’s Passenger!” I exclaimed, leaping forward to turn it up.  
“Oh my god, you’re right. I didn’t know they played him here in America. That’s awesome!” Ed answered, “Wait, how do you know Mike? Did he suddenly get really famous over here?”  
“Remember, he was with you at the supermarket that day in Seattle, when we met.” the answer was on the tip of my tongue. I’d almost said it, but I caught myself just in time. Thinking quickly, I thought up an answer.  
“Hey, I’m like your biggest fan. Hashtag Sheerio for life!” I joked.  
“Of course. I’d almost forgotten. Oh we’re here.” Ed replied.  
I looked up to see a large supermarket. The enourmous sign of the supermarket glowed brightly. Shit. I was already crumbling, I met Ed in this exact store. He’d held the door open, then stopped me when he saw the condition I was in. He saved my life, right here.  
“Are you coming, Leigh?” Stuart asked questioningly, “Stay with us, Carl will kill me if I lost you.”  
“Sorry, coming!” I apologized, running slightly to catch up in the parking lot. We arrived at the doors jut moments later. They still hadn’t gotten automatic doors, the shop looked the exact same as when I’d seen it last. I trailed behind, biting my lip. Ed held the door for me as I walked through, and it hurt, how he didn’t remember. I didn’t want him to know, I didn’t want to tell him, but I wanted him to remember me. To show that he actually took note of the biggest moment in my life. But of couse, he said nothing. I walked a bit slower than the men in front of me, always a step behind to avoid having to engage in conversation. Occasionally, they’d ask me about some food or something, and I’d just nod, or shake my head. I didn’t trust my voice from not cracking or wavering. We got through check out fairly quickly, with only a couple pictures and signatures. I wasn’t really paying attention, my mind was numb and I just followed through with the motions on autopilot. I followed Stuart and Ed to the car, climbing into the backseat after Ed. The radio was on, removing the need for conversation. Thankful for that, I leaned back in my seat and just stared out the window.  
We pulled up in front the studio fifteen minutes later, and we all clambered out, heading to the studio doors. Once inside, Stuart laid out the food we’d bought on the table. Ed and Stuart carried out a constant conversation during our meal and I chewed my food, pretending to be paying attention. I’d almost completely tuned them out when one of Ed’s sentence caught my attention.  
“Yeah, we’ve definitely been to that store before. Remember I had a show here?”  
“Oh, you did, I remember now. We went there to get food that night.” Stuart replied.  
I stopped listening then. I definitely wasn’t okay anymore.  
The studio session went by, Ed and Stuart discussing their time in Seattle three years go. Not once did they mention the 15 year girl they ran into at that exact store. Once again, we were herded from place to place. Studio to car, then back to the hotel.   
As soon as the lift reached our floor, I hurried into my room, closing the door behind me. I could feel my façade faltering a bit at the edges and I had to get away from everyone before it crumbled completely. It started falling apart as I stumbled to the bathroom, eyes blurry from the tears I didn’t realize I’d shed. My feet hit the cold tile of the floor and I sank to the ground, pulling my legs up to my chest and leaning back against the counter. I could feel the wet trails that my tears were following, running down my face, spilling down my chin and jaw. I promised myself that I’d stay strong, the day I met Ed. But now the salty tears were spilling out of my eyes, broken sobs escaping my lips. It was the kind of crying that only happens in the worst moments of your depressiveness, the kind that just pours out of you, and you have absolutely no control over it. In my head I ran through the horrible events of my life.  
I could remember trying to protect my sisters, often getting hurt for my efforts. I remember how it broke my heart to have to watch them escape, leaving a hollow spot in my heart, not knowing if they made it. It was the safest thing to do at the time, but every day, I feel the sharp stab of regret in my chest, wishing that I’d kept them close. I could remember being beaten by my father, I could feel his fist making contact with my face, his knuckles colliding with my cheekbones. I could remember being rushed to the hospital, only for me to escape it, deciding that home was too dangerous. And I could remember today’s events clearest of all. How management controls every aspect of my life, my life is practically theirs now. So, if I kill myself, right now, it’s their loss, not mine.  
At this moment, the pros outweigh the cons for committing suicide. It’d end the pain, the constant regret and I’d finally have control for once. Making up my mind, I blindly reached up to the counter, fumbling around for my makeup trunk. I had run out of tears, the only thing showing my sorrow being the wrecked sobs coming out of my mouth. My hand found the trunk, clumsily pulling it off the counter. It hit the tiles with a loud crash, sending makeup flying across the bathroom floor. I reached into the broken trunk, feeling along the bottom for a certain bottle that contained my death. My hands found the plastic cylinder, pulling it out of the mess. Screwing the top off, I poured the contents into my hand. I plucked a couple out of the pile, sending some pills skittering across the tiles. I slipped them past my lips, resting them on my tongue for a moment before swallowing. I was just about to take some more when I heard knocking at my door.  
“LeighAnne? Hello? I know you’re in here, can I come in?” Ed asked.  
I didn’t reply, sitting there unmoving on the bathroom floor, pills still in hand. “LeighAnne?” Ed called “Ok, I’m coming in.”  
I heard the door click open, and footsteps approaching the open bathroom door. I watched as Ed turned the corner, eyes glued to his as his expression changed to one of shock. His eyes sweeped around the bathroom, taking in the broken makeup trunk, the cosmetics scattered across the floor, the pills in my hand.  
“What are you doing with those?” he asked; a thinly veiled, but still obviously panicked expression coming across his face.  
I didn’t answer, not trusting my voice. But that question started the sobs again, tears falling down my face. I looked down at the white tablets littering my left hand, reaching the fingers of my right down to pick up another pill. I could feel Ed’s eyes on me as I slowly raised it up to my mouth.  
“No! Stop!” he cried, running over and dropping to his knees in front of me. Now at eye level, he scooped the pile of pills out of my hand, setting them on the ground. He plucked the one headed to my mouth out my grasp, dropping it to join the others on the floor. I could see the tears threatening to spill over again as he sat down beside me, pulling me onto his lap in a tight embrace.  
“Why are you doing this, Leigh? You’ve always seemed so happy. Tell me what’s wrong.” he murmured into my ear.  
“You know what’s wrong. I’ve told you before.” I whispered, barely audible through my sobs. As soon as those hushed words passed my lips, I instantly regretted them. Another thing to add to my list of regrets to think about tomorrow morning. If I don’t kill myself before then.  
Ed doesn’t answer for a while, just holding me tightly as my sobs quieted. I was just starting to think he didn’t hear me, when I looked up. In his face, I saw remembrance. He was looking at me like he’d just made the connection, like he remembered the time we met at Tesco. I felt relief bubble up inside of me. Finally, someone knows the whole story, knows what I’ve been through, knows the real me. He knows most of what I had felt, and I’d fill him in on what he didn’t know. I could tell him, because I don’t have to hide anymore. I don’t have to put up my walls to block him off from the real me. I could feel myself building back up again, returning to who I was before my mum left. I watched as Ed opened his mouth to speak, to tell me he remembered.  
“What are you talking about.” he said.  
And then I watched it all fall apart.


	3. A Simple Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I’m 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I’m famous. I’m not trying to boast or anything, I’m just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at the supermarket, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I’d successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don’t know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they’re alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I’m meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn’t know that we’ve met before, and I hope to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I’m on vacation so it’s hard to get writing time in. Well, I hope you like it :)

-FLASHBACK-  
The door to my bedroom flew open, revealing my twin sisters, Kailia and Frayah. They were still dressed in their bedclothes, wrapped up in Kailia's baby blue comforter.  
"Leeeiiiigggh. Are you awake?" They called out in unison, voices hushed.  
"Yeah, what's wrong?" I whispered back.  
It was Kailia who answered my question, she usually does, people have always told her that she was the "mouth" of the twins. Frayah was the brains, she always thought things through, keeping her other half out of trouble.   
"Daddy's home, and he's drunk again. We're scared, can we sleep with you?"   
I inwardly sighed, the anger bubbling up inside me. I wasn't mad at my sisters, I never was. I was mad at my father; for being drunk, for being abusive, for being a horrible parent in general.  
"Of course." I replied, scooting over to let the two shivering girls in beside me.   
They climbed in eagerly, pulling Kailia’s comforter up beside mine. It was a bit squished, but it was fine, nobody seemed to mind the tight fit. I could hear my father downstairs slamming doors and drawers, making a racket. I prayed that he would ignore us tonight, just go straight to bed, but I knew that wasn't the case. I heard footsteps, my father walking loudly up the stairs. My sisters and I listened closely to the steady thumps of his feet, and the much louder thud as he tripped in his drunkenness. I knew he wasn't going to ignore us tonight, so instead, I hoped that he would go easy on us.  
But God apparently wasn’t feeling too generous.   
My father burst through the door, not bothering to knock or even to say a greeting. My sisters looked at me with wide eyes, and I gave them my best comforting smile as I climbed out of bed to confront our father. I was already putting up a front at age 15, always hiding my true feelings. I guess it just became a habit. My father walks into the room, quickly and purposefully, but his stumbles give away his drunkenness. I sidestep, blocking my sisters from his path and view.  
"Dad, go to bed. You're drunk." I said, the only thing giving away my fear being the slight tremble in my voice, barely noticeable. But my father noticed.   
"Don't tell your father what to do." He replied gruffly, as my he walked the remaining steps to stand in front of me. I could smell alcohol on his breath, wafting off his tongue as he spoke. I could only watch as he pulled his arm back, the world slowing as his bony knuckles collided with my jaw. I heard the knock of bone against bone, and the pain that came with it as he hit me over and over. I stood my ground, holding up my arms to protect my face. I already had bruises from other nights like this, and he punched the fading blue marks on my forearms. I didn't dare hit back. That would only mean more abuse for me, and possibly my sisters as well, but I did everything in my power to make sure that didn't happen. Though sometimes, it wasn’t enough.  
My ears registered the sobs of my sisters, huddled on my bed, uselessly pleading my father to stop. My father seemingly got tired of hitting my already-abused arms, giving me a couple blows to my stomach, making me double over. He took the opportunity to step past me, making his way over to my sisters. They cowered underneath the blue blanket, pulling it up to their chins as their father approached them. As I was bent over, winded from his earlier blow, he looked down at his twin daughters, who were looking back up at him with scared eyes, and promptly sent two consecutive punches to their faces. He was winding up for another pair, when I jumped up; ignoring the searing pain in my jaw, arms and stomach. Grabbing his arm, I delivered a blow to his cheek, mustering up as much strength as I could. But he only seemed angered by this act of defiance, tearing his arm from my grip and violently throwing me to the hardwood floor. I shook off the pain, running back to stop my father, who was punching my sisters as they screamed and cried. Their desperate screams filled my ears, blocking out every other sound as I struggled to pull my father of them. I did everything in my power to stop him; kicking, punching, biting, but it wasn’t enough. Even with me being strong for my age, trying as hard as I could, he was double my weight and I couldn't stop him.  
"Leigh! Help!" They cried, "Daddy! Please! It hurts, stop!"  
He was hitting me too, but I didn't feel it, only felt the pains in my knuckles as I battered my father. Angered by my acting out, he turned to me, throwing my sisters aside. I felt relief fill me, as that was the reaction I was hoping for. He was furious at me, but at least he wasn't beating my sisters anymore. I could taste blood on my tongue when I licked my lips, and could feel a drop running down my neck, mixing with my tears. I was sobbing; from frustration, anger. I could see the fury burning in his eyes, and I started backing away slowly; partly to lead him away from my sisters, partly because I didn't want them to see what was going to happen next. I was unable to achieve either, however, as he closed the distance easily, delivering multiple blows to my stomach and abdomen. Already winded from the previous punches; again, I could only watch, tears blurring my vision. I could feel them spilling out of my eyes, running down my face and mixing with the blood as my fathers knuckles collided with my rights. I heard a sharp crack, along with blinding pain, probably a broken rib. Gasping for air, I crumpled to the ground, covering my tear-stained face with my arms.  
After a couple mores punches, my father finally let up and I watched his feet receding into the hallway, hopefully to go to bed.  
"Leigh! Are you okay?" My sisters asked in between their continuing sobs. I head the thump, as they jumped down from the bed, and the audible wince as they landed. They hurried over, peering down at me with their battered and tear stained faces.   
"A bit broken, but I'll be fine. Enough about me, we've got to get you girls out of here." I rasped. That beating was the last straw. My fathers "episodes" had been becoming more frequent, more violent. I couldn't put my sisters in that risk.  
"How? He'll find us again, and then beat us up." Frayah answered, remembering the last time we tried to escape. It had resulted in a trip to the hospital for her, my father telling the doctor that she'd fallen down some stairs.   
"I'll stay behind and cover for you two, then I'll leave later. And this time, we'll make sure he doesn't find us." I said, taking a wavering breath, "Okay, listen closely, I've thought up a plan for you girls."   
I then described my plan to them, how they were going to go to a friends house, lay low for a couple weeks. I told them earnestly about how they shouldn't go outside, in case our father, or anybody he hired to look for us should see them. I helped them pack their bags, pulling out their suitcases, already packed with the valuables; money, pictures, documents. We tiptoed to their rooms, quickly stuffing the bags with clothes and toiletries. once we'd finished, I gathered both girls into my arms, pulling them into a tight hug. I could feel the pain, both physical and emotional, tightening its grip around my lungs. I couldn't breathe, gasping for breath in between my sobs.   
"I- I love you, Kailia and Frayah. Remember what I said, don't do anything dangerous, stay safe. Promise?" I said through my tears.   
"Yes, w- we promise. We love you too Leigh!" They cried, sobbing so loudly into my chest that I had to shush them, stroking their backs.   
I felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest as I watched them leave, even knowing that it'd be worse if they'd stayed. I stumbled blindly out of their room, tears pooling in my eyes, and made my way back to my room. All I could do was crawl between the sheets and curl up on my uninjured side, as the tears kept coming. I muffled my wrecked sobs into the blue duvet that Kailia and Frayah had brought over. I had no idea wether they'd make it to their friend's house, and even if they did, our father might hire people and find us again. There was no doubt that they would both be sent to the hospital, in that case. My crying soon just turned into hoarse sobbing, everyone eventually runs out of tears.  
I don't remember when I fell asleep, but I was harshly awoken with a punch to my already broken ribs, the pain searing through my chest. I gasped for air as it was knocked out of my lungs.  
"Where. Are. They." my father asked, punctuating each word my knocking his knuckles to my jaw.  
I looked up angrily, "They're gone, and you're not going to find them."  
I will never forget the look my father gave me when I said those words. That look, was accompanied by punches and kicks to my torso and face as I screamed.  
I screamed because of the excruciating pain throbbing in my best. I screamed because it was my father's fault that Kailia and Frayah were gone, and all I could do was lay there. I screamed out of anger, loss, pain.   
My screams died down as my father stopped, turning into broken sobs and moans of pain. I gingerly touched my ribs and yelped when pain shot through me. Looking up, I realized my father had walked away, and I heard the front door slam as he left. I didn't expect him to come back. Just as he didn't expect me to leave.  
But I did.  
I reached under the bed, again, and pulled out a bag of my own. This one was fully packed, and I leaned on it heavily, as I attempted to stand. I got about halfway until my legs buckled, and the pain in my chest was overwhelming. I didn't want to resort to this, but I pulled out my cellphone.  
Calling nine-one-one, I told them my address. They were there in minutes. I ignored all their questions about what happened, only speaking to tell them to bring my suitcase. I tuned out completely about halfway through the ambulance ride, letting them fret over me, patching me up. They took me into the hospital on a gurney, setting me on a hospital bed. I closed my eyes, letting the drugs take over, settling into an uneasy rest.  
\-----  
When they came to check on me the next morning, I was already gone. Changed out of the hospital clothes, keeping only the bandages and splints. I was running, running down the street, hoisting my bag up onto my shoulder as it slid down. Tears stung behind my eyes as I tried to find a place to sit, tears blurring my vision. I didn't allow them to spill over, as I sat down to catch my breath. My breathing returned to normal, and the burn in my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten in 24 hours.  
Looking up, the lights of a supermarket's sign caught my eye. I got up, pulling my bag up onto my shoulder, walking swiftly across the street and parking lot.   
As I approached the store doors, I promptly crashed into a man also entering the store, knocking the bag he was holding out of his hand.  
"Sorry!" I said, quickly picking it back up and handing it to him.  
"It's okay." he said. The first thing I noticed about him being his strong British accent. I heard the tone of his voice change as he saw the bruises and cuts on my face.   
I looked up, catching his blue eyes staring at the marks.  
He blushed, caught. awkwardly nodding before walking through the store doors, holding the door open for me as I did the same. He was dressed casually; ruffled ginger hair, hoody, jeans and sneakers.  
"I'm Leigh-Anne, by the way." I added, catching his attention.  
"Hi, Leigh-Anne." He said, "I'm Ed."


	4. I'll Be Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I’m 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I’m famous. I’m not trying to boast or anything, I’m just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at the supermarket, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I’d successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don’t know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they’re alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I’m meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn’t know that we’ve met before, and I hope to keep it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so extremely sorry that this chapter took soo long. I’ve just been super busy, and school ugh. Well, I hope you like it and tell me what you think xx

It's so easy to pretend, to hold all your emotions in. The only problem with hiding your feelings, is that eventually, they'll suffocate you. They'll weigh you down, tighten around your lungs, making it hard to breathe. You’ll drown if you don’t let them out. I usually do it through song, pouring my heart out onto my paper, letting them flow out of me. That way, I don’t have to tell anyone personally.  
Except today, I didn’t. I thought it would be a good idea to tell someone how I felt, how I’ve felt almost my entire life. I thought it would make me feel better, be more satisfying than the pen and paper.  
But it just made it worse. When Ed said those words, that he didn't remember, it just pushed all those feelings I’d let out back inside. Telling Ed was the opposite of gratifying. For once, I’d opened up to someone instead of hiding behind my lyrics, and now it’s my biggest regret. I'd stepped far out of my comfort zone, showing my vulnerable side to Ed like that. But now, I wish I never did.  
I huddled in Ed's arms on the bathroom floor, hiding my face in his chest, trying to forget what I'd mumbled before. He didn't ask any further questions as I continued my sobbing, just clutched me tighter against his chest. I shut my eyes, trying to think up a story that would explain my current episode.  
"I've just had some depression problems recently." I lied, "Carl's getting me meds soon, don't worry."  
"Okay, tell him to get you them as soon as he possibly can. Do you want me to stay with you? I can skip my studio session today." Ed said, concern stretching across his face.  
"No, no. It's fine, go ahead, I'm just gonna chill in my room."  
Ed nodded, looking around the bathroom. I watched him as he took in my path of self destruction; the pills scattered across the tile, my makeup trunk lying broken on the ground. Unwinding his arms from around me, he stood up, bending down to kiss the top of my head.  
"Alright, I'm gonna go now. Get some rest, Leigh. Just take it it easy today." he said, the worry in his voice obvious. I nodded, giving him a weak smile. I followed his movements with my eyes as picked up the mostly empty pill bottle and started scooping the small white tablets into the plastic container. They clattered gently against the plastic as Ed tipped them from his hand into the bottle.  
After one final look, he walked out of the bathroom, taking the pills with him. I heard the hotel room door slam shut and I stood up, giving the room a cursory glance. Grabbing my broken makeup case from the floor, I started scooping up makeup compacts, brushes and tubes of mascara and eyeliner. I dumped them back in the box, then walked into the bedroom and jumped up onto the bed. I didn't feel like doing anything, and I didn't have to, so I just dragged my guitar up onto the bed, setting it on my thighs.  
I absentmindedly strummed my guitar, playing the familiar notes and chords of Ed's songs, one after another. My mind was full of thoughts; about Ed, about my sisters, about death. I thought of how close I'd come to it, and how Ed had saved me, yet again. He's saved me twice now, the first of which he doesn't remember. And my sisters; I have no idea where they could be, I just hope they're safe. My sisters are the only family I have left, not including my father. I don't count him as family anyways.  
How could I, after what he had done. I don't know where he is, but I could care less about his whereabouts. The farther away he is from my sisters and I, the better. But I've always wondered if my sisters know that I made it. That I'm safe, that I made it as big in the music industry as I hoped. They might, There's a big chance that they do. I’m all over the magazines, the TV, those teen gossip sites that pre-teen girls are obsessed with. I wish I could find them, but there's no way I could. I have no idea where they are, the only thing I know about them is their names; Kailia and Frayah Miller.  
I was in the midst of the chorus of Firefly when the door opened. I didn't hear it at first, I was too immersed in my music and thoughts, but I looked up when Ed walked in.  
I stopped playing, "What happened to your studio session?"  
"Got canceled." He answered simply, flopping back onto the bed beside me. I knew he was lying, it was etched across his face. He had probably skipped the studio session so he could keep an eye on me. I didn’t comment on it though, giving no indication that I could see through his fib. I was glad to have him here, glad he was here to stop me from doing anything stupid, like dying.  
"Was that one of my songs?" he asked.  
I nodded, still trying to shake myself out of my thoughts.  
"Cool."  
I followed his gaze down to my fingers, resting against the strings of my guitar. I turned my guitar over in my lap, strings up.  
"Leigh," he started.  
"I don't want to talk about it, Ed." I interrupted before he could say anything.  
"But why? There's got to be some sort of reason, some sort of childhood trauma."  
"But there isn't, okay? It just happened. There doesn’t always have to be a reason.”  
Ed gave me a long look, “Fine.”  
He wasn’t stupid. He knows that there something had to have happened, no one is born this broken. But he didn’t pry, and I was grateful for that.  
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked casually, in a somewhat successful attempt to lighten the atmosphere.  
He shrugged, “Hm, it doesn’t matter to me. What were you planning to do?”  
“Well, I was just gonna spend the day on Netflix. I was thinking The Walking Dead, but I’m too wimpy to watch it alone.”  
“Well, I’m here, aren’t I? I’ll protect you from those zombies.” Ed replied, a cheeky smile stretching across his face.  
I laughed and jumped off the bed to retrieve my Apple TV cord and iPad. Flitting around the room, I set everything up, projecting episode one onto the screen.  
Ed was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard and I leaped up, joining him on the mattress. Settling down against the bedframe, I tapped the play button before gently tossing the device to the side.  
We watched in silence for a while, both of us engrossed by the events happening on the TV. It only took ten minutes for me to become completely terrified, and I clapped my hands over my eyes, getting glimpses of the screen through the cracks between my fingers.  
“Oh god, I can’t look.” I muttered.  
“Awww you scared of the zombies?” Ed said, his tone mocking.  
“Don’t make fun of me, they’re freaking terrifying.” I retorted.  
“It’s okay, Leigh. C’mere, I’ll protect you, love.”  
I slid across the bed, closing the couple inches that lay between us. He wrapped his arms around me as I buried my face into his shoulder. I stayed there for a bit, relying on my ears to keep up with the storyline.  
“You have to watch this part, Leigh. It’s the end of the episode, it’s important.” Ed said.  
I lifted my head to watch the final sequence of the show, with the comforting weight of Ed’s arm still on my shoulders. He left it there, as the episode ended, rolling the credits. Neither of us made a move to turn it off or switch to the next episode, and we lay there with the theme song playing in the background until it ended, blanketing the room in silence. I didn’t have anything to say, so I just lay my head back onto Ed’s chest, listening to the steady thumps of his heartbeat, occasionally sneaking peeks at him from under my eyelashes. He had a small but content smile on his lips, and he was looking down at my leg as he traced invisible patterns with his hand that wasn’t around my shoulders.  
I watched him until he noticed my gaze, locking his eyes with mine. I slid up his body so that our heads were in line, his arm now around my waist, both of us sitting upright.  
He turned his head as I spoke,  
“Hi.” I said, my voice breathy, so quiet it could’ve been a whisper.  
He leaned in closer until our foreheads touched, our noses brushing.  
“Hi.” he breathed, before pressing his lips to mine, both our eyes sliding shut.  
I reached up, sliding my fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck as our lips moved in synchronization. I pressed my mouth hard against his, hard enough to bruise if Ed’s plump lips weren’t softening the blow. He trailed his tongue across my lower lip, and I parted my mouth, giving him access. I could feel Ed’s tongue wrestling against mine, Ed’s hot breath as he exhaled, Ed’s fingers spread across my lower back, pressing me impossibly closer against him. Everything was Ed, and I couldn’t get enough of it.  
He pulled away, and we opened our eyes, locking our gazes as we caught our breath. I wasn’t able to stare for long, as he grabbed my waist, easily lifting me and laying me onto my back, before leaning in to resume our heated kiss.  
My hands clutched at the front of Ed’s shirt to pull his body closer to mine. He braced himself on an elbow beside my bed, and I caught a glimpse of his bulging bicep out of the corner of my eye before they closed again. Our lips moved together, tongues sliding heatedly against one another. I touched as much as Ed as I could; his waist, belly, hair, chest. I didn’t know if this was a one time thing or not, hopefully, it wasn’t. But if it was, I wanted to remember everything about him, every curve, bone, muscle, in case I never got to touch them like this again.


	5. New Found Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My name is Leigh-Anne Miller. I’m 18. You probably know who I am, have heard my songs on the radio or seen me on TV. Millions of teenage girls, boys and even adults fangirl over me. I’m famous. I’m not trying to boast or anything, I’m just telling the facts. And the facts say that Leigh-Anne Miller is a celebrity. Three years ago, I ran into Ed Sheeran at the supermarket, whilst running away from the hospital. My father put me in there. He beat me after I’d successfully got my younger sisters to escape our abusive home. I don’t know where they are anymore. Hopefully, they’re alright. Anyways, 3 years ago, I met Ed Sheeran, he gave his guitar, introduced me to music. And now, I’m meeting him again. This time, as the famous singer, Leigh-Anne Miller. He doesn’t know that we’ve met before, and I hope to keep it that way.

Falling in love doesn't happen all at once. It's nothing like how it`s described, it`s nothing like falling. Falling would imply that it happens quickly, that it only takes a couple of moments then all of a sudden, you crash headlong into the feeling called “love”. It’s nothing like that. There’s always a build up, a series of events, the little things that they do that come before. And that's the best part; getting to know them, spending time with them, appreciating those small acts of kindness and affection. And after a certain amount of time, that's when you know. That's when you realize that you have, in fact, fallen in love with them. Your world is no longer about money, clothes, music, or even yourself. It's about them. They take everything you are, everything you're made of; and add a little bit of themselves to it, making it theirs.   
The moment when I realized that I was in love was that morning, waking up next to Ed. I was surrounded by him; his smell, his warmth, his arms. Then he opened his eyes, and when he turned to smile at me, I could see him clearer than ever. And that was when I knew that I was, in fact, in love with Ed and had been for quite some time. It didn’t hit me like I thought it would, the realization wafted over me, coating my entire body.  
“Morning, Leigh.” Ed mumbled, voice drowsy from sleep.  
“Morning, Ed.” I replied, poking his cheek where it dimpled from his smile.  
He chuckled, leaning in to peck me on my lips. I could feel his blissful smile against mine as our lips touched, and I soaked in the feeling; the feeling that I hadn't realized I'd missed until now.  
I pulled back as I heard my phone vibrate against the bedside table, and I rolled over, sliding it into my hand. The screen lit up when I pressed the button, revealing two texts from Carl.  
Wake up Leigh. We have a studio session in half an hour with Ed.   
And speaking of Ed, do you know where he is? Stuart said he wasn’t in his room this morning.  
I felt the bed jostle as Ed rolled over, pressing his body against mine to read the texts over my shoulder. Reaching over me, he slid the phone out of my hands, tapping out a reply.  
ok. and eds in my room, we were just hanging out. woke up early  
Approving of the text, I hit send and wriggled out of Ed’s arms, leaving the phone in his hands. I flitted around the room, grabbing various clothing articles out of my suitcases in an attempt to decide what to wear. I decided on a white lace dress and a leather jacket and tugged them both on.  
“C’mon, get out of bed. Let’s go.” I called to Ed, who was still curled up under the duvet.  
He groaned, reluctantly swinging his legs around to step off the mattress. Walking into the bathroom, I watched him through the mirror as he rummaged through his rucksack and pulled out a tee shirt and jeans.   
Over the course of ten minutes, we managed to get ready; pulling our clothes and shoes on, doing our hair, and me doing my makeup. I grabbed my phone on the way out the door, dialing Carl’s number.  
He picked up on the third ring, “Good morning, Leigh.”   
“Hey Carl, we’re ready. Where are you?” I asked.  
“We’re all in Stuart’s room, there’s breakfast waiting for you guys.”  
“Okay, be there in a minute.” I hung up the phone, stuffing it into my pocket.  
We walked down the hallway, stopping at the door that said 1193. Ed reached out, knocking twice.  
Stuart opened the door, “Hey Leigh, Ed.”  
“Hi Stu!” I greeted cheerfully, slipping past him into the room where the others were eating.  
They were all sitting around a table loaded with various breakfast foods. Ed and I sat amongst them, loading our plates with food, eating, talking. I piled my plate high with pancakes, coated in nutella and syrup and watched as Ed did the same. Catching his eye from across the table, I smirked and gestured to our identical plates. He laughed, shoving a forkful into his mouth.   
\------  
“We’re here!” Carl announced from the front of the car.  
Snapping out of my thoughts, I glanced out the window, seeing the familiar parking lot of the studio, swarming with fans. I held tightly onto Ed’s bicep as we were pulled out the door and immediately surrounded by fans on all sides. They pressed in tight, leaving no air left to breathe. I desperately tried to follow the others, but I could only watch as they were swallowed up by the screaming masses of teenage girls. The fans closed in, grabbing at everything they could reach; throwing words of hate, love, anger. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard or seen before, and the words didn’t usually even register in my brain as I fought through the girls, a fake smile plastered across my face. Except today their words took a different course, and they somehow managed to get through my filter.  
“Slut. You’re only gonna break Ed’s heart”  
“Poor Ed, it’s so obvious she’s lying to him.”  
“She doesn’t deserve to work with Ed, she hasn’t worked half as hard as he did to get where she is now.”  
My eyes burned, and I blinked back tears of hurt and anger, shoving my way through the crowd. I desperately tried to force my way through, pushing against the mass of bodies but they just seemed to pack in tighter. I could feel waves of hysteria rising up my throat, closing off my airways, leaving me gasping for air. The tears stung behind my eyes, threatening to spill over. The false smile on my face was almost a grimace as struggled to lift the corners of my mouth. I could sense the panic in my body and I stopped trying to move forward.   
You deserve this  
You wanted this  
Isn’t this what you always dreamed about?  
The words swam around my head, taunting me. I was the one who wanted to be famous. This is what I agreed to when I entered the music industry. It’s my fault. I deserve this, more than anyone else.  
I shut my eyes, letting the words of hate, both from the crowd and myself, wash over me. Everyone was shouting, thinking I couldn’t hear them, trying to grab my attention. But I heard everything. My guard was down today, and now I knew. This is what they were always trying to tell me before, I just didn’t hear. All the insults, the “I love you Leigh”s and the pleas for a signature. I was hearing them for the first time.  
The love and begging didn’t bother me so much as the comments about Ed. Those stung, I realized, because they were true. I’d end up breaking Ed’s heart. I’m broken, incapable of loving someone right. And I was lying to him, and I had been this whole time.  
I don’t deserve him. But I deserve this. I worked hard for this, and now I’m suffering the consequences, starting today.  
Suddenly, I felt a strong hand take hold of mine, extracting me from the crowd, dragging me away from the screams and hysteria. I slipped out of the greedy hands of the fans, and was herded through the studio doorway.  
“Leigh, are you alright?” Ed asked, still tightly grasping my hand.  
I blinked, staring into Ed’s eyes. I sucked in a shaky breath, not looking away from Ed’s stare until the panic washed away, my breathing returning to normal.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. There was just a lot of them, I couldn’t get past them. Thanks for coming back for me.” I replied.  
Ed grinned, “No problem, we can’t just leave you out there, can we?”   
I laughed, “C’mon, let’s get recording.”  
Not letting go of his hand, I led him upstairs to the recording booths, locating Stuart and Carl, lounging on the sofas.  
“There you are!” Carl said, “I was getting a bit worried there.”  
I smiled, dropping Ed’s hand to drop down onto the cushion beside Carl.  
“Don’t you worry about me, I’m used to those fans.” I lied.  
“Okay, Leigh, you first. Into the booth, you know the drill.” Stuart declared.  
I nodded, hopping off the sofa, crossing the small room and entering the recording booth. Slipping the headset on, I started my vocal warm-ups dancing around a bit like usual. I looked up, locking eyes with Ed through the window. I could see his body shake slightly as he chuckled, and I returned the laugh, giving him a quick wink.   
I finished my warm-ups, looking for permission to start. One of the producers nodded, and the music started playing through the headset. After hearing my cue, I started singing the song that I had wrote for my new album.  
After a minute, it was cut off abruptly, ending after the first chorus, as the rest of the verses remained unwritten. I looked up as I heard clapping, the sound carrying across the glass partition. I smiled and gave a little bow before walking out of the recording booth.  
“You’re up, Edward.” I announced.  
Ed pushed off the couch and walked over to the booth, disappearing briefly as he went inside, only to reappear again through the window. After a couple moments, the sound of his warm-ups filled the room through the speakers, accompanied by the strums of his guitar.  
“I started a new song, I thought we could work on it together as our duet.” Ed said into the microphone.  
I watched as his fingers strummed the strings of his guitar, playing the intro. The first notes of the song rang through the room, soon followed by the lyrics.  
Watching him sing, was just like this morning. I could feel my love for him swelling in my chest, his voice filling my ears.  
I love him. He’s caring, sweet, talented, everything I’d ever need. But I’m broken, and I don’t deserve someone like him. And the fans are right, I’m only going to make him like me, break him. That’s why I have to leave before that happens.


	6. The Beautiful Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beautiful kind, making up for lost time..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry guys, I kinda went on a hiatus there because of schoolwork and such. But I’m back to writing. ((I feel like I say this before every chapter))

One more day. That’s what I keep telling myself. One more day, I’ll stay with him. One more day, then I’ll leave him, to spare him of worse heartbreak in the future. I'll leave him soon, but I’m just going to make the best of today.  
We were back at the recording booth, the day after the incident with the fans. We were sitting on the sofa outside the recording booth, working on the lyrics for the duet, building onto what Ed had already wrote.  
“What about this?” Ed suggested, jotting down some lines onto the paper.  
“Yeah. And this,” I said, adding to the verse, “can come after?”  
He nodded, “Cool.”   
For the rest of the session, we sat in a comfortable silence; occasionally humming softly or leaning forward to write a few lyrics onto the paper. At some point during that time, we had slid back deeper into the couch, Ed’s arm winding around my shoulder and my head resting on his chest. I sat cross-legged, the notebook balanced carefully on my knee.   
I went over the options in my mind; I could leave Ed and not go on tour with him, saving him from heartbreak. It would be the right thing to do, I’m too broken and I don’t want to put the responsibility of fixing me on his shoulders. I don’t deserve him. Leaving him would be best for everyone.   
Or, I could stay.  
If I stayed, I’d get to wake up with him every morning, sing with him, go on tour together. If I stayed, I’d get to be in love with him.  
I looked up at Ed, studying his face as he concentrated on the songwriting. The light shining in from the window shone onto his hair, creating a halo-like effect. I could feel the warm weight of his arm resting on my shoulder, and his body by my side. I sat completely still, not wanting to shatter the peacefulness and beauty of the moment. It was one of those times that you just want to keep forever, and never forget. To keep safely tucked away as a place to escape to when you’re feeling lonely or sad. I felt happy, happier than I had ever been, happier than I deserve to be.   
The spell broke as Carl and Stuart walked through the door.  
“Hey kids, how’s the songwriting going?” Carl said.  
“Great. Until you two walked in.” I joked.  
“Hey, hey. No need to get snappy, Leigh. We just came in to tell you that our studio time’s up. Do you want to greet the fans outside? Or just go straight back to your rooms?”  
“Sure, I’ll hang out with the fans a bit.”   
“Okay come one then.” Carl said, walking out the door without bothering to wait for Ed and I.  
I jumped up, “Let’s go, Ed” I said, tugging his arm in an unsuccessful attempt to pull him up from the sofa.  
“Okay, okay.” he replied, grabbing the notebook.  
He trailed behind me as I left the studio, exiting out into the sea of fans. Their high pitched screams pierced my ears as soon as I waked out. If I listened closely I could hear the individual shouts. My name, Ed’s name, the “I love you”s and screams, all jumbled together to form a wall of noise. At times like this, it’s all a blur; just loads of hugs, signatures and photos.  
“Hey there, what’s your name?” I asked a fan.  
“Katie. I’m a huge fan of you, Leigh!” she said, stumbling over her words in excitement.  
“Thanks, Katie!” I shouted over the noise.  
“C-could I please get a picture?” she asked.  
“Yes, of course, love.” I wrapped my arm around the little girl, smiling into the camera. The shutter clicked, barely audible over the screams.  
“Thank you Leigh!” she yelled. “I love you.”  
“I love you too, Katie.” I replied pulling her into a hug.  
“Are you dating Ed?” she blurted out.  
I paused, not knowing what to say. I looked over at Carl, who shook his head.  
“No, hun. Ed and I are just friends.” I lied.  
“Oh,” she said, looking disappointed, “you should. You guys should get married. At least, that’s what me and my friends think.”  
I laughed, “Maybe one day.”   
She seemed happy with my answer, thanking me a final time before running off to her mother. I smiled, watching as she gleefully told her mother what happened.  
It’s so easy to lose track of time, especially a nice crowd like this with no haters. If it’s a crowd like we had last session, time freezes, and you can hear each insult crystal clear, ringing in your ears. But today, there’s none of those, just overjoyed, ecstatic fans.   
After a couple minutes of being around them, their giddiness rubs off on you, and you find yourself jumping, screaming and singing along with them. It feels like you had one too many cups of coffee and you’re riding on a caffeine high. You can’t be hyper forever though, eventually you just crash.  
This was especially true today. I stayed out with the fans for a couple of hours, meeting each and every one of them. By the time I was done, Ed had already gone back to the hotel, leaving me with just Carl.   
“You ready to go, kiddo?” Carl asked, he knew I was tired.  
I nodded, waving a final goodbye to the fans before letting Carl usher me into the car. The door was shut behind me and I sat back on the seats and fastened my seatbelt. I let my eyes close as the car started driving at a steady pace towards the hotel. We rode most of the way in silence, the radio humming quietly in the background. Carl was the one who spoke first.  
“Leigh-Anne?” Carl called from the driver’s seat.  
“Yeah?” I answered.  
“You can’t tell anyone that you and Ed are dating, okay? Especially management.” he said.  
“Carl, you are management.” I replied, rolling my eyes.  
“I meant the rest of management. If it comes up in meetings, you two are close friends.” he retorted.  
“Why? Can’t we ju-” I started.  
“No. You two are friends, nothing more. End of discussion.” he said, finishing the conversation, “We’re here.”  
The car slowed in front of the hotel, easing into our parking space beside Stuart’s. I hopped out of the car as soon as the keys were out of the ignition. The fans hadn’t made it to the hotel yet, and the parking lot was empty, aside from a few people walking to and from the hotel. I walked a step behind Carl, letting him lead me into the hotel. I gave the lady at the desk a polite smile as we walked across the lobby to the elevators. The ride up to the sixth floor quick as we didn’t have to stop at other floors.  
“I’ll see you later then.” Carl said.  
“Bye, Carl.” I replied, giving him a quick hug.  
I walked off in the opposite direction of him, towards my hotel room. Fishing my key card out of my pocket, I unlocked the door and entered my room.  
“Hey.”  
I looked up to see Ed sitting on the sofa, scrolling through his phone.  
“Ed, what the fuck, how did you get in?” I exclaimed.  
“I got the key from Stu.” he explained, pulling the card out of his pocket to show me.  
I sunk into the cushions beside him, “Oh, were you waiting here this whole time?”   
“Nah I got here like 20 minutes ago, were you with the fans this whole time?” he asked.  
I nodded, “Yeah. They were especially nice today.”  
“That’s still a long time. It’s been like 3 hours.” he said, “but yeah, they were nice, unlike yesterday.”  
I hummed in agreement, leaning forward to grab the remote, turning on the TV. It was playing some cooking show so I kept flicking through the channels, trying to find something interesting to watch. I leaned back as Ed reached his arm across the sofa to grab the room service menu from the side table.  
“What do you want to eat?” he asked, flipping through the short menu.  
I shrugged, “Doesn’t matter.”   
“Pizza sound good?” Ed suggested.  
“Yeah, pizza’s always good.” I replied.  
“Okay, do you want to find a movie on there or something?” he said, reaching for the phone.  
“Ooh dinner and movie. Is this a date, Edward?” I joked.  
He chuckled “If you can call it that. It’s room service and video on demand.”  
I laughed, locating the movies on the TV. Our conversation died down as Ed dialed room service, ordering the food.  
After he hung up, I suggested movies at random, scrolling through the selections.   
“Oh, let me choose, you’re shit at this.” Ed said, grabbing the remote from me. I rolled my eyes, but let him choose a film to watch, not in the mood to argue.  
Ten minutes later, a knock on the door signaled that the food had arrived, and I hopped up from the couch to answer the door. I took the food and thanked the lady, giving her a tip before returning to the sofa with the steaming box. I set the box down on the coffee table, settling down beside Ed. I looked over at him, waiting for him to start the movie, as he was still holding the remote in his hands. When he made no move to press play, I stared at him, confused.  
“Leigh, what are we doing? Are we dating, ‘cause we were specifically told not to.” Ed said as he turned to face me.  
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. My answer would determine our relationship, and I hadn’t even made up my mind yet. I looked around, taking in the scene around us; the smell of pizza, Ed’s warm body beside me. I thought about today; the songwriting, the happiness I felt when I was with him, and I knew. I want to be with Ed, and that means telling the truth. And realize now that it’s something I’m willing to do for him.


End file.
